Home for the Holidays (and reveries of high school days)

I sang at a funeral today.

Coming home is great for my self-esteem. All the adults at church thinks I'm wonderful. It's really nice.
Although there are awkward times... Crazy people and noisy sacrament meetings are still in great abundance. On the other hand, I was reminded today though of all the great people in my home ward--there are quite a lot of people I look up to and admire.

I hung out with old high school friends yesterday and enjoyed every minute of it. I spoke of them in my last entry of them and realized we were losing touch. Sometimes I have a few negative connotations with high school--all the insecurities involved and growing pains. However, seeing them yesterday brought back a lot of good memories. I honestly can't complain--I had a large, close, good group of friends. We meshed in a lot of ways I do not quite click with college friends. We had similar interests--after all, we met because of our similar interests and goals, namely AP and other advanced classes. Some were in choir and other similar extracurricular activities with me too. We are all still nerds who are studious but clever and funny. We just plain click even though we don't all stay in touch. A few of them have different values, but on the whole they are just good people. Being in the Bible belt, most are religious too.
Some stay in touch better than I do though. It is interesting hearing of their college experiences--they are different than mine. On the whole, most (definitely not all) have not made as close, lifelong friends as I have had. The social scenes of other colleges are very different than that of BYU. They are not as conducive to the making of close, lifelong friends. High school friends, thus, have an even closer spot to their heart because they are the closest friends they have ever had.
It is interesting interacting with them though. I have grown up--more social, more mature, and more confident--a me they don't really know. Thus, this me does not really appear. This me is not the me they know nor expect and this me doesn't know how to interact with them. Thus, it is the old, quiet, unsure me that appears to be present. I don't know if that makes sense. It is hard for this more mature me to interact with any group that doesn't know this me because they don't expect it. I hope that doesn't seem shallow because it's not. Perhaps, it is just a sign that I am still learning and growing, and there is definitely more room for growth. :)
However, I realized last night though that I had no reason to ever, ever, ever doubt their friendship. They would have continued to be my friends and will always be my friends. My closest friends won't forget me even if we lose touch.

In sum, I am having a great time, and so my summer plans are still being debated... I was pretty sure I wasn't coming home, but now I'm not. After all, I could save a lot of money, and I have a job waiting for me. However, then I remember that 4 months is a long time and none of my friends would be in town...

In honor of lifelong friends...

And then there were two...

Well, another one of my close friends, Jenn got married on Friday! Woo hoo! I am so excited for her and Aaron!

So, I was at her reception, and as we were leaving, she said something along these lines, "Ya know, we will always be friends." It really started my wheels a spinnin'...

With finals over with, I have plenty of time to think about whatever I want now.

I told Jenn we would all always be friends. After all, we are probably all each other's last close girlfriends before marriage. We've watched each other grow up, and we watched relationships evolve into marriage. I am pretty sure that if we had to choose friends to stay in touch with, we would all be on each other's list. We all have fond memories, and as cheesy as this sounds, they all hold a special spot in my heart. I have learned a lot from them--from recipes to good music, from dating to my relationship with Our Savior. Even if it is just Christmas cards and visits when we are in the area, we will stay in each other's lives. However, in this world of facebook and blogging, I would be willing to bet we stay closer than that.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants was honestly the perfect movie for us to watch at Jenn's Bachelorette Party!

So, yeah, I've been thinking alot about how lucky we are. I don't think everyone leaves the college scene with such close friends. I remember debating who to live with freshmen year--I almost lived with Chelsie, a close friend from home. However, Chelsie and I will always be close, and I wanted to get to know some new friends better. To think I almost missed out on making some of the best friends I've ever had! That's honestly not an exaggeration either.

I had close friends in high school and some fond memories. We formed an exclusive group of girls called the "Yistas," and we were pretty tight. I also made many close friends in my AP classes and choir. I will never forget them. However, I am beginning to kinda lose touch with many of them, which is just as much my fault as theirs. However, our lives are heading different directions, and we have different interests. Also, adolescent insecurities are also associated with this era. And although I had fun, I never opened up as much as I have with my roommates. When you live with friends, you grow much closer and get to know them on a whole new level.

Meagan and I felt on the lonely side this year with Jenn engaged and Monica on a mission. However, Monica comes back in about a year. I am sure we will also have some fun with Jules when she returns in less than a year. And, we are so excited for Jenna and Jenn--they have found wonderful men they will love for time to all eternity.

So, here's to the memories and love of lifelong friends!

Carol of Joy

I love the Christmas season! I love the chance it provides to worship and praise our Savior. Honestly, the Atonement of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ provides great reason to rejoice! There are 3 important aspects of the Atonement: He saves us from death, saves us from sin, and can comfort us in our afflictions. This gospel really is "good news." It brings peace and joy into our lives. My heart is just so full of gratitude at the moment.
At the "Celebration of Christmas" concert, we ended with the song "Carol of Joy." It was my favorite song on the program, as well as for many other people. This is actually our second year singing it. The lyrics are by Eileen Berry, and the music by Dan Forrest. It is quite the moving song. It has brought me nearly to tears while singing many times (which is a very dangerous thing...).

Carol of Joy

Green leaves all fallen, withered and dry;
Brief sunset fading, dim winter sky;
Lengthening shadows, dark closing in;
Then through the stillness, carols begin.

O fallen world, to you is the song!
Death holds you fast, and night tarries long.
Jesus is born, your curse to destroy;
Sweet to your ears, a carol of joy!

Pale moon ascending, solemn and slow;
Cold, barren hillside shrouded in snow.
Deep empty valley, veiled by the night;
Hear angel music hopeful and bright.

O fearful world, to you is the song!
Peace with your God, and pardon for wrong.
Tidings for sinners, burdened and bound,
Carol of joy, a Savior is found!

Earth wrapped in sorrow, lift up your eyes!
Thrill to the chorus filling the skies.
Look up, sad-hearted! Witness God's love;
Join in the carol swelling above!

O friendless world, to you is the song!
All heaven's joy to you may belong!
You are are lonely, laden, forlorn:
Now unto you, a Savior is come!

Come dance with me

Holy fetcharoni (as Monica might say)! I just watched some world champions ballroom dance. I am in awe. I long to dance like them. There is so much passion and feeling. Wow... That's all I got to say.

After all, as Sinatra might sing, "For what is dancing but makin' love set to music, playin'"

As much as I try to deny or hide my hopeless romantic side, it is always there....

Bridle your passions

Anyways, next semester I have 17 credits and 9 classes... yikes! I could potentially have 13.5 credits and 6 classes, but i can't bring myself to drop any of my fun, yet worthwhile classes. After all, this is my chance to take them!

I am always discovering new interests and possible other majors. Don't get me wrong, I love my major. However, my major is too long to take as many fun classes as I would like. Furthermore, because I basically knew what I was doing from the get-go, I didn't get to explore my options. Maybe this was a good thing... I don't know if I could have picked a major anyways. Too many options, and I can be indecisive. (Try shopping with me at the grocery store... or even clothes shopping for that matter).

Here are just a few possible other possible majors:
1.Nutrition
Well, as mentioned previously, I am a "food snob." I love being healthy and learning more about the human body and health in general.

2. Exercise Science
Love to exercise. I enjoy being healthy too.

3. Early Childhood Education
My experiences working at a daycare last summer and a Montessori school this past summer have really piqued my interest in preschool-age children. Love them. I would add a second emphasis and basically triple major if I could. However, it's not possible. And, I am getting kind of sick of school... sometimes.

4. English
Well, as you have probably experienced, I can be a pretty thorough editor. I know about commas and wording. We peer-reviewed each other's research papers in my advanced writing class today. This girl was challenged in that department--run-ons and confusing sentences everywhere. Okay, so that is a little bit of an exaggeration, but the experience did enlarge my head slightly.
Furthermore, I have decided that writing (as long as it is not timed) can be fun. Manipulating words and phrases to reach a point and persuade your readers, finding fun and new words, sounding sophisticated, etc. If I have the time and desire, I can be a good writer.

5. European history
Fun stuff. Except this major would take me nowhere and it would just be learning a bunch of facts and writing essays and papers.

6. Choral Education
Love choir... End of story. Except I doubt I could have made it into the program.

Note: I am not suggesting I need to bridle my passions. I just thought it was a fun title. However, I am being forced to bridle my passions because I can't pursue everything I desire. And yes, I realize I am taking this scripture out of context probably.


Another side note: I got extra credit for going to class today. I almost didn't go. Sweetness! This is why i go to class...
I am in the library and I smell pizza and root beer. No joke. I want some... especially Brick Oven.

Now, in Meagan's words: Peace out.

To be or not to be--that is the question

I've decided I like tragedies... even if there's death. Call me morbid, if you will, but I like them.

I used to consider myself a fairy tale lover. I loved my happy endings, and if a movie or book didn't have it, well, then it wasn't worth reading. Or, perhaps, that ending better be changed ASAP.

Now, don't get me wrong, I still like happy endings, but I am learning to enjoy tragedies. As you probably know, I am taking a Shakespeare class (which I love--even after ~400 years it is still applicable to our lives), and we just started studying Hamlet (which I have studied before). Suddenly, like a bolt of lightning, it hit me... I like tragedies. Especially compared to Shakespeare's comedies, there is so much more depth of character. Hamlet is just so... human. His inner turmoil is quite understandable. To feel and empathize with the characters can be healing. Of course, the tragedy must be written or acted well.

In life, there are often not happy endings. Of course, there is a happy ending after we die, but life is full of trials and challenges that often do not go the way we want them.

I do not need a happy ending anymore. I still enjoy happy endings, but there is nothing wrong with a disappointing and thought-provoking ending either.

p.s. This does not apply to my life... I want a happy ending.

Reminiscent

So, I surprisingly don't have anything I HAVE to do at the moment... and don't feel like doing anything ahead of schedule. Naturally, I decided to waste time on facebook (Seriously... i don't know why i don't choose something better to do.) I looked at our old facebook group "the funniest things you wish you never heard" for the first time in months. Brought back a lot of memories. I laughed out loud... in the library nonetheless a couple of times. There were a couple that I was like... and that was funny because???? But yeah... we had some good times... I think we have all grown up a lot... in some ways. (After all, 2 of us are engaged married, 2 are on missions, and 2 are... well... learning more about socializing...) It also reminded me of a point Meagan and I sometimes discuss. We always think we are so funny and cool... and then we realize we aren't. For instance, I used to wonder why I didn't date, especially sophomore year. I thought I was really cute and such, and why wouldn't anyone date me. Looking back now... it's pretty clear... definitely was shy and did not exactly make myself available.
Anyways, I've had good roommate and friends... we've been lucky :)

Another thought... I think sometimes knowing how some people perceive me makes me act in that particular way more so than I normally would. Ever happen to you?

Second of all, I just love people! I love running in to people and saying hi. I enjoy chatting too, but I never know if someone is too busy to chat. That can be potentially awkward. Actually, I normally think that I am too busy to chat too. Sometimes I need to slow down and smell the roses, make someone's day. Talking to people brighten my day. It's like, "Hello! Other people in this world exist!"

Well, what do you know... I blogged again! Now it is off to sing Disney songs. I need to be productive... it's driving me nuts. Although, this is semi-productive, but not on my list of things to do. Speaking of productivity, I need to learn another aspect of time management... staying sane at the same time. Different dynamics in my apartment now, and this year I haven't figured out quite what I need to do to stay sane. Last week was rough. It's a balance... play, church, and school... Anyways, I'm gonna be late. Ciao!

6 Random Things

After a 7 month retirement, I am back in the wonderful world of blogging... all due to Jenn's tagging! So... here it goes:

1. In the words of a friend with similar eating habits, I am a "food snob." For the past 2 years, I have really developed healthy eating habits. Whole grains, no HFCS (most of the time anyways), no preservatives, lots of fruits and veggies, prefer homemade to out-of-the box... According to Meagan, I picked the wrong major and should have gone into nutrition... not entirely true, but this field interests me immensely. However, you may not know, that I have a HUGE sweet tooth, which I blame my Dad's side of the family for. Sometimes I am better at subduing (sp?) it than others... If I am on a roll, multiple desserts are no problem... for my stomach... I have a guilty conscious though afterwards... So, I think I have ironic eating habits, yes?

2. I have had about 3.5 major dreams/career goals in life (besides being a mother). 1st, I wanted to be a McDonald's employee. Ambitious, I know... those Happy Meals though were just fabulous. 2nd, I wanted to be a cowgirl. Horses, country music... very appealing to me. 3rd, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. I loved elementary school, and that's when this dream developed. When i grew to love music, I had a tiny dream to be an opera singer, but alas, that profession is definitely not for me! Anyways, this 3rd dream evolved into becoming an elementary music specialist. Sometimes though I can't decide if I want to be a regular classroom teacher or music teacher...

3. Once in a while I break rules, believe it or not. I used to read all the time. My parents would catch me reading by the hall light when I was supposed to be in bed... oops... Oh wait... I got a better story. Okay, so my friends and I went to go see "Phantom of the Opera" at the movies. They were sold out. So we bought tickets to another movie and snuck in. I have been rolling (aka TPing, toilet papering,etc.) twice. We had to make a quick getaway once, and then we went to Waffle House. Good times... I kinda dated a guy in high school who liked to go fast... there were many times I was scared for my life... I think he went over 100 once or twice. Oh yes, and I skipped school on Senior Skip Day (with permission from my parents), and Chelsie and i went to Nashville.

4. Like most people, I have had many nicknames. My great grandpa called me "Goldlilocks." My dad called me "Smiley" when I was mad or unhappy.... My siblings called me Rissa, and Kyle called me "Sasa" when he was really little. In 3rd grade, my friends and I were into the Babysitters' Club series. We played it at recess too. I was Stacey. In middle school I was called Lil' Rissa, and 3 of my friends and I were the "zsisters" (I was zsister3). In high school, my Spanish name was Mariana, which my friends sometimes called me. Also, we had an exclusive group of friends called the "yistas." We made shirts,had sleepovers, nicknamed each other, etc. I was "Lulu." Most of the names were based on our middle names, and since I don't have one... somehow we came up with "lulu," probably relating to the fact I was normally tired and did dumb stuff. Now, in college, my roommates sometimes call me Maris, and Monica called me Marisol. So, this is a random entry for a random "thing" about me.

5. When I was in kindergarten and 1st grade, I "played" soccer. Not really. I actually just stood in the middle of the field with my friend. Once, when i was supposed to be goalie, I was picking flowers.... and I just watched the ball go in the goal instead. I also played softball in 2nd grade... didn't like that sport. I was afraid of the ball.

6. Okay... I can't think of anything else, except for the fact I have Linux on my computer (which my readers... namely Jenn and Meagan know)... and I am not a computer geek... although my dad is. Heck, my whole house is basically wired (the x-box, tv, computers... they are all connected)--it's crazy.

an addendum...

That David O. McKay article... I didn't realize that there was other stuff there too. Just read the part about influencing others.

Happy Singles' Awareness Week!

So, I haven written in this thing in a long time... but I have been writing in my journal (which is amazing for me). I guess I am just realizing the importance of journal writing, but definitely easier said than done.
So, read this. Basically, I think I use this to post interesting stuff more than commenting and contemplating (nice alliteration, huh?), but when have I ever been good at saying that stuff out loud anyways? So, this article is nothing new perhaps, but it is a cool perspective and new way of thinking about your influence upon other people. My mission prep teacher related it to dating, which explains a lot about the type of people you are attracted to (even if there are others who may be cuter).

Also, why do RMs date freshmen? dumb, dumb, dumb...

On a happier note, NO SCHOOL NEXT MONDAY! and I get to see my daddy! WOO HOO!

p.s. Thanks Meagan, you inspired me. Now... Jenn... it's your turn!